I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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