Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize