worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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