I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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