I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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