I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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