Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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