wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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