You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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