Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize