dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize