Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize