it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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