Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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