Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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