Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
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I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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