You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize