Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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