I think I died a long time ago.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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