Four minutes until I can fart!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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