Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm too high and old for this...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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