my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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