He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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