Im at strip club and am horny
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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