Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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