the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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