I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
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then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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