those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize