hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize