hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
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I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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