I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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