Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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