She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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