i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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