dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize