My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
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I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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