i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He has the fingertips of a God
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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