is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Panties = found
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