My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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