Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize