I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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