shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Mom said you looked used
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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