If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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