I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just high enough for therapy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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