Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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