Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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