Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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