Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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