i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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