My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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