Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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